Have you ever been talking to someone and as your having your conversation you just know it's coming back around to bite you in the ass down the road??
Yeah, I had one of those freakin lovely conversations today at lunch! Wondering if it will cause a pink slip to be issued for me?? See I have this really bad issue of not telling a lie. I mean I lie, but I try not to, cause my face is a dead give away when I am. So what's the point really!
Today was our departments annual Christmas luncheon. Which I briefly considered NOT going to today. Should have went with that gut feeling. Damn it! I get stuck seated across for our VP of Finance/Operations. He is a relatively cool guy, easy to talk, but still a suit! Needless to say I knew I was in for it when he came and the only open seat was right across from me.
I don't think he was seated a full 5 minutes before asking me about our new accounting software. Which BTW my controller has her ass on the line for. It was NOT cheap in the least. And I fear it isn't going to workout really like it should. But that is my two freakin cents!
Too my left is another of my accounts payable people and two more to my right. They all saw the sinking ship and didn't bother to help! That's it! Next year they get no Christmas presents! (That is if I still have a job)
My diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain kick in for a few minutes. Then I get my wits about me to......SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!
That was the worst 15-20 minute conversation I think I have EVER freakin had!!!! We have been back from our lunch for about two hours now. No sign of the VP going to the controller yet! He does have to walk by my desk to get to her. I sure hope he doesn't name name's....but he won't have to if he uses the examples I gave him. We work by designated letters around here.
I almost forgot to tell all ya! I also embarssed him a bit. I'm tellin ya I was on a freakin roll today. Trying to talk about less important stuff....reality TV. Somehow I thought it was a good idea to mention the lady still breastfeeding her 9 year old daughter. Which sparked further debate and questions to me why she was doing it. And I had to quote something she said to the girl as she went to feed her. Which embarrassed the crap out of him!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
I caused a scene!
Today was one of the days for the girl's school Holiday program. The school divided all the parents by alphabet. The first half to come today and the other half tomorrow. It's their first school program, of course I had to go. Besides Gwynne has a special part as a Toy Soldier for one of the songs.
I get there to find out that the Kindergarten class is the last to perform, which worked out well since I got there RIGHT at 8:30am. So that meant back of the cafteria for me. But kind of bonus, yet sucked. As the various grades 3rd on down performed the parents with kids in that grade would take their pictures and leave. So by the time it came for my girls, I was at about the 4th row. Could have got closer but wanted to make sure the kids saw me.
Those of you who know me, KNOW I'm not much of a crier. The 3rd graders where getting ready to start and I felt like I was about to cry. What the....!!!! These aren't my kids why am getting all teary eyed! I calm down only for it to happen again with the 1st graders. You see where this is going now don't you??
Here come the kindergartener's, all so cute with these decorated headbands they made. I spot Chloe as she sits down and I see her scanning the room a bit. I didn't tell the kids I would be there today. But these kids "look" for things like their father does. So I gave a little wave to see if she was paying any attention. She was! "MOMMY!!!" gets shouted out with a point. Which she then has to tell everyone sitting around her. "That's my mommy!" I gotta take it now why I can. I know she is going to hit teenager years and she will not be proud of me, but embarssed by me. LOL!
Nope no tears yet!!! WHEW!!!! Maybe I got it out of my system a bit with the other two grades. DANG IT!!! Why did I have to think about it! Here I go! Second song I'm crying, third song still have tears. Lights come up. SHIT! I try to scan to see if any one notices. YEP! Two ladies sitting behind me a seat or two over. Looking at me like I'm crazy. It doesn't help the red watery eyes are giving me away to everyone else.
But dang it! If they had any idea what these kids have been through and the fight. It is just plain amazing to see my baby girls up there for their first Holiday school performance! How could you not cry?? So know all the other families with kids in the Kinder program think I'm a wack job.....which is true! But not for the reasons they think. :-) LOL!
Also we found out yesterday that Connor was the top seller of See's Candy for his school fundraiser. They gave him a white seal stuffed animal, a pound of chocolate, and a discount card to See's Candy. There is something else I'm missing that he got. Last year he was third in the entire school for sells! I think that boy has found his calling!
In case I don't make another post! But I should we had Holiday photos taken that I'm waiting to get and put up.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, be safe and enjoy your families!
I get there to find out that the Kindergarten class is the last to perform, which worked out well since I got there RIGHT at 8:30am. So that meant back of the cafteria for me. But kind of bonus, yet sucked. As the various grades 3rd on down performed the parents with kids in that grade would take their pictures and leave. So by the time it came for my girls, I was at about the 4th row. Could have got closer but wanted to make sure the kids saw me.
Those of you who know me, KNOW I'm not much of a crier. The 3rd graders where getting ready to start and I felt like I was about to cry. What the....!!!! These aren't my kids why am getting all teary eyed! I calm down only for it to happen again with the 1st graders. You see where this is going now don't you??
Here come the kindergartener's, all so cute with these decorated headbands they made. I spot Chloe as she sits down and I see her scanning the room a bit. I didn't tell the kids I would be there today. But these kids "look" for things like their father does. So I gave a little wave to see if she was paying any attention. She was! "MOMMY!!!" gets shouted out with a point. Which she then has to tell everyone sitting around her. "That's my mommy!" I gotta take it now why I can. I know she is going to hit teenager years and she will not be proud of me, but embarssed by me. LOL!
Nope no tears yet!!! WHEW!!!! Maybe I got it out of my system a bit with the other two grades. DANG IT!!! Why did I have to think about it! Here I go! Second song I'm crying, third song still have tears. Lights come up. SHIT! I try to scan to see if any one notices. YEP! Two ladies sitting behind me a seat or two over. Looking at me like I'm crazy. It doesn't help the red watery eyes are giving me away to everyone else.
But dang it! If they had any idea what these kids have been through and the fight. It is just plain amazing to see my baby girls up there for their first Holiday school performance! How could you not cry?? So know all the other families with kids in the Kinder program think I'm a wack job.....which is true! But not for the reasons they think. :-) LOL!
Also we found out yesterday that Connor was the top seller of See's Candy for his school fundraiser. They gave him a white seal stuffed animal, a pound of chocolate, and a discount card to See's Candy. There is something else I'm missing that he got. Last year he was third in the entire school for sells! I think that boy has found his calling!
In case I don't make another post! But I should we had Holiday photos taken that I'm waiting to get and put up.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, be safe and enjoy your families!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Diet of a mom!
So what did you have to eat today?? I had an array of crap to eat today. Nothing of value really. That's a lie! Now that I think of it two things where "healthy", yet not really a meal.
It is 9pm and I have yet to have a real meal. And it is all my fault.
Started the morning off with a yoplait light yogurt, which I had to finish in the car as I was running back home. Seems Chloe decided to see how long she could hold her piss. My kids seem to be training for this event that doesn't really exist any where. But what are you gonna do. So not only did she wet her pants, she soaked her socks and her shoes. GOOD JOB BABY GIRL!!!!! UGH! It seems the school took the change of clothes sent with Gwynne, but needed some shoe's and socks. Great! Now I have to pack head to toe change of clothes for "accidents"
Oops! Sorry got off track!
Got back to work and ate probably more then a mini subway bag of Doritos and washed it down with a Cherry coke! GOOD TIMES!!! It is nearing the time I should go cook my noodles and heat up the chicken breast I brought. But OOH NO! I have E.L. Fudge cookies in my bag!!!! DING DING DING!!!! SCORE! So I ate two of those and continued on my work day.
Shortly there after my aunt cruises by my desk on her way out. Lucky lady went home early today. She sets down a three pack of white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. No not little ones. Good size ones, about the size of the palm of my hand. So I ate two of the three cookies. YUMMY!
Nope! This is not the part where I tell you I went and ate my chicken and noodles. I'm sorry to say I ate a banana followed shortly there after by another E.L Fudge cookie. Then a short time later polished off the third of the other cookie's given to me. What was I suppose to do! The package was open and it would be stale by the time I got back to work tomorrow morining......errr.....afternoon! LOL!
Now that is a diet of champions!!!!!
It is 9pm and I have yet to have a real meal. And it is all my fault.
Started the morning off with a yoplait light yogurt, which I had to finish in the car as I was running back home. Seems Chloe decided to see how long she could hold her piss. My kids seem to be training for this event that doesn't really exist any where. But what are you gonna do. So not only did she wet her pants, she soaked her socks and her shoes. GOOD JOB BABY GIRL!!!!! UGH! It seems the school took the change of clothes sent with Gwynne, but needed some shoe's and socks. Great! Now I have to pack head to toe change of clothes for "accidents"
Oops! Sorry got off track!
Got back to work and ate probably more then a mini subway bag of Doritos and washed it down with a Cherry coke! GOOD TIMES!!! It is nearing the time I should go cook my noodles and heat up the chicken breast I brought. But OOH NO! I have E.L. Fudge cookies in my bag!!!! DING DING DING!!!! SCORE! So I ate two of those and continued on my work day.
Shortly there after my aunt cruises by my desk on her way out. Lucky lady went home early today. She sets down a three pack of white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. No not little ones. Good size ones, about the size of the palm of my hand. So I ate two of the three cookies. YUMMY!
Nope! This is not the part where I tell you I went and ate my chicken and noodles. I'm sorry to say I ate a banana followed shortly there after by another E.L Fudge cookie. Then a short time later polished off the third of the other cookie's given to me. What was I suppose to do! The package was open and it would be stale by the time I got back to work tomorrow morining......errr.....afternoon! LOL!
Now that is a diet of champions!!!!!
Monday, December 1, 2008
I had an Awe moment!
Despite my previous post there was something yesterday that put a smile on my face. Gwynne normally doesn't interact with Connor too much. Chloe does more kissing/hugging, watching movies or playing a toy with him. So last night I gave the girls their bath first then Connor's. Which is much more involved then the girls.
I got all of his trach supplies I needed and sat down to dry him off and get him dressed. But I had forgotten a diaper. Gwynne seemed to want to help so I asked her to run and get a diaper for Connor. Which she did with no problem. Then she wanted to help change his trach holders. It is Velcro and cloth that fix to the actual trach and go around his neck. She helped me cut the tag off and attempted to trim it down, but I almost lost a finger on that one! So I took over.
She started to hold Connor's hand and tell him "It's okay brother, it's okay". After I was done with all the trach and g-tube care and got him dressed she laid down on the floor next to him for a bit. Then while making Connor's bed she asked if she could sleep in his bed with him, cause her bed is boring. LOL!
It really touched my heart seeing her interacting like this with Connor. It is so rare for the two of them. It just made my heart melt.
That was my Awe moment for the weekend.
I got all of his trach supplies I needed and sat down to dry him off and get him dressed. But I had forgotten a diaper. Gwynne seemed to want to help so I asked her to run and get a diaper for Connor. Which she did with no problem. Then she wanted to help change his trach holders. It is Velcro and cloth that fix to the actual trach and go around his neck. She helped me cut the tag off and attempted to trim it down, but I almost lost a finger on that one! So I took over.
She started to hold Connor's hand and tell him "It's okay brother, it's okay". After I was done with all the trach and g-tube care and got him dressed she laid down on the floor next to him for a bit. Then while making Connor's bed she asked if she could sleep in his bed with him, cause her bed is boring. LOL!
It really touched my heart seeing her interacting like this with Connor. It is so rare for the two of them. It just made my heart melt.
That was my Awe moment for the weekend.
Failing as a mother!
I hate when I get like this! But I'm there. Feeling like I should win "Worst Mother of the Year" award! It is just part of the cycle right?? Every mom hits this point from time to time?? Or am I out on the life boat by myself??
My daughter asked me to play with her the other day and I said no. "NO!" What the heck is wrong with me?? Was I doing something important? NOPE! Was I in the middle of doing anything? NOPE! Just being a completely lazy mother who didn't want to get her big ole rear off the couch. And all I did was yell and scream at the girls yesterday and was irritated by anyone who was breathing around me!
My poor kids get no time with me during the week, and I couldn't get off my tush to play with one of them who specifically asked me too! Then to make things better cause I was in a mood. I made her cry when she went to bed on top of it!
Here is my list of failures: They just don't listen when you tell them to do something. They talk back. They refuse to dress themselves because I have been doing it all this time for them. They are 5! Shouldn't they be able to dress themselves, shoes & socks included?? Brush their own teeth and hair?? I only have myself to blame. I have babied them for far too long and now have to dig out of that hole. I have one who is still pissing her pants. UGH! This is getting on my nerve to no end. She needs to get this under control or she is not going to be in the regular Kindergarten class next year! I have no drive to purchase anything for my children for Christmas. They don't play with most of their toys, but use them to scatter all over their room in attempt to kill someone. Oh and they can't pick up their own toys! When you tell them to pick up their stuff in the living room it gets dropped right in front of their door! Don't you dare ask them to pick up their mess in the room. Then you get whining of "Help me, I can't do it!" So you go in to teach them how. One sits down and has to play with what ever she finds and not put it away. So she ends up getting kicked out of the room cause she is just making more of a mess. I don't come close to having the cleanest house. But dang it! When it's time to clean they should be picking up after themselves!
My kids have little supervision and reinforcement of the rules while I'm at work. They have a push over for a caretaker who doesn't like to tell them "no". UGH! I don't take them out and about town that much, because I'm tired just after getting everyone ready and the car loaded up! During which Jason and I are usually already snapping back and forth at each other.
I think I'm in desperate need of a therapist!!!!!!!!!
My daughter asked me to play with her the other day and I said no. "NO!" What the heck is wrong with me?? Was I doing something important? NOPE! Was I in the middle of doing anything? NOPE! Just being a completely lazy mother who didn't want to get her big ole rear off the couch. And all I did was yell and scream at the girls yesterday and was irritated by anyone who was breathing around me!
My poor kids get no time with me during the week, and I couldn't get off my tush to play with one of them who specifically asked me too! Then to make things better cause I was in a mood. I made her cry when she went to bed on top of it!
Here is my list of failures: They just don't listen when you tell them to do something. They talk back. They refuse to dress themselves because I have been doing it all this time for them. They are 5! Shouldn't they be able to dress themselves, shoes & socks included?? Brush their own teeth and hair?? I only have myself to blame. I have babied them for far too long and now have to dig out of that hole. I have one who is still pissing her pants. UGH! This is getting on my nerve to no end. She needs to get this under control or she is not going to be in the regular Kindergarten class next year! I have no drive to purchase anything for my children for Christmas. They don't play with most of their toys, but use them to scatter all over their room in attempt to kill someone. Oh and they can't pick up their own toys! When you tell them to pick up their stuff in the living room it gets dropped right in front of their door! Don't you dare ask them to pick up their mess in the room. Then you get whining of "Help me, I can't do it!" So you go in to teach them how. One sits down and has to play with what ever she finds and not put it away. So she ends up getting kicked out of the room cause she is just making more of a mess. I don't come close to having the cleanest house. But dang it! When it's time to clean they should be picking up after themselves!
My kids have little supervision and reinforcement of the rules while I'm at work. They have a push over for a caretaker who doesn't like to tell them "no". UGH! I don't take them out and about town that much, because I'm tired just after getting everyone ready and the car loaded up! During which Jason and I are usually already snapping back and forth at each other.
I think I'm in desperate need of a therapist!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Happy Gobble Gobble!
I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoys being around there family. After my last post the household was stricken with the stomach flu. Connor started on Sunday when we had family over for cake and ice cream. But by Monday afternoon he was doing good and off the pedilyte. But it hit Jason and I very early Tuesday morning with Chloe following a few hours later. And some how Gwynne never got sick....explain that one! It is horrible being that sick and unable to care for your children.
I have never had the stomach flu that bad. Lost over 10 lbs in two days and it took me about a week to start eating normally again. And I needed help with meds to get rid of they queasy feeling. Every one started asking if I could be PG. Of course my immediate response was a big resounding "NO!" But in the back of my head I think what if! But a quick test and all is still a resounding "NO! I'm not PG!" LOL!
Between being sick and work and school these last two weeks have been a blur. I took on a new responsibility at work that I'm kicking myself for. But I'm sure as heck no longer bored with free time! UGH! I have finals coming up in a few weeks then I will be able to relax a little before going back after the New Year.
Some random thoughts. I was far to happy the other day that I filled my gas tank for under $30 and the low fuel light was on. Then I was having a really crummy day last week. I swung through McD's and grabbed a kids happy meal for lunch. Fully expecting to give the Madagascar 2 toy to Chloe. But it was the animal thing that sings the song "You got to move it, move it!" OH I WAS SO HAPPY!!!!!!! So it sits on my desk at work for my amusement.
Every now and then the whole office will here YOU GOT TO MOVE IT, MOVE IT! ROFL!!! My boss isn't too happy with it sometimes, but if he wants a happy sane employee he will keep quiet.
I posted the following on Facebook so if your reading this for a second time.....to bad! Skip it! LOL!
As I was stressing out a bit yesterday trying to get all my vendors paid on this short week I decided I needed a beverage. I ran off to 7-Eleven for a Slurpee to not only quench my thirst, but freeze my burning throat. Being stressed I thought! Why can't they have Rum & Coke Slurpee's for the adults??? I was really proud of myself for thinking this up. Then Jason had to go steal my thunder! The whole open container issue in the car! Sheesh! Take away all the fun!!!!! Any one got ideas to get around this?? Some special no spill lid maybe??? I think I have found my money maker! LOL!
Any ways!
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! And if you need a movie to watch check out "Home for the Holidays" Directed by Jody Foster and stars Holly Hunter and Robert Downey Jr.! A must for any dysfunctional family!
I have never had the stomach flu that bad. Lost over 10 lbs in two days and it took me about a week to start eating normally again. And I needed help with meds to get rid of they queasy feeling. Every one started asking if I could be PG. Of course my immediate response was a big resounding "NO!" But in the back of my head I think what if! But a quick test and all is still a resounding "NO! I'm not PG!" LOL!
Between being sick and work and school these last two weeks have been a blur. I took on a new responsibility at work that I'm kicking myself for. But I'm sure as heck no longer bored with free time! UGH! I have finals coming up in a few weeks then I will be able to relax a little before going back after the New Year.
Some random thoughts. I was far to happy the other day that I filled my gas tank for under $30 and the low fuel light was on. Then I was having a really crummy day last week. I swung through McD's and grabbed a kids happy meal for lunch. Fully expecting to give the Madagascar 2 toy to Chloe. But it was the animal thing that sings the song "You got to move it, move it!" OH I WAS SO HAPPY!!!!!!! So it sits on my desk at work for my amusement.
Every now and then the whole office will here YOU GOT TO MOVE IT, MOVE IT! ROFL!!! My boss isn't too happy with it sometimes, but if he wants a happy sane employee he will keep quiet.
I posted the following on Facebook so if your reading this for a second time.....to bad! Skip it! LOL!
As I was stressing out a bit yesterday trying to get all my vendors paid on this short week I decided I needed a beverage. I ran off to 7-Eleven for a Slurpee to not only quench my thirst, but freeze my burning throat. Being stressed I thought! Why can't they have Rum & Coke Slurpee's for the adults??? I was really proud of myself for thinking this up. Then Jason had to go steal my thunder! The whole open container issue in the car! Sheesh! Take away all the fun!!!!! Any one got ideas to get around this?? Some special no spill lid maybe??? I think I have found my money maker! LOL!
Any ways!
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! And if you need a movie to watch check out "Home for the Holidays" Directed by Jody Foster and stars Holly Hunter and Robert Downey Jr.! A must for any dysfunctional family!
Monday, November 3, 2008
Happy Birthday!!!!
Five years! It really is weird and awe inspiring at the same time. They had such a rough start and come so far. Let's see we came home with O2, apnea monitors for all three, two suction machines, suction cathers, pulse ox, syringes, several medicine per kid, 2 g-tubes, too many hospitalizations to count, vent 24/7 for Connor.
Five years later where are we?? Well we still have medical equipment. Only one of the three that still uses O2, we don't use apnea monitors any more, only one suction machine, no meds for Chloe, one daily med for Gwynne for allergies, not much change with Connor in that department. We are now down to only one kid with a g-tube, over 2 years of NO, I repeat NO hospitalizations. And Connor is only on the vent for 12 hours a day, and come spring we may be able to be off the vent completely.
These kids are just truly amazing. The girls are doing well in school, but have some maturity issues, and just are smaller then other kids their age.
Gwynne was 1lb 9oz and 12 1/2 inches long at birth. At her 5 year check up she was almost 41 1/2 inches tall and weighed 33 lbs (Height is 35% & weight is 10%)
Connor was 2lbs and 12 1/2 inches long at birth. 5 year check up he was 39 1/2 inches tall and weighed 38lbs ( I didn't get the % on him)
Chloe was 1lb 6oz and 12 1/2 inches long at birth. 5 year check up she was 41 inches tall and weighed 36 lbs ( 24% for height and 30% for weight)
Happy Birthday my little miracles!!!!
Five years later where are we?? Well we still have medical equipment. Only one of the three that still uses O2, we don't use apnea monitors any more, only one suction machine, no meds for Chloe, one daily med for Gwynne for allergies, not much change with Connor in that department. We are now down to only one kid with a g-tube, over 2 years of NO, I repeat NO hospitalizations. And Connor is only on the vent for 12 hours a day, and come spring we may be able to be off the vent completely.
These kids are just truly amazing. The girls are doing well in school, but have some maturity issues, and just are smaller then other kids their age.
Gwynne was 1lb 9oz and 12 1/2 inches long at birth. At her 5 year check up she was almost 41 1/2 inches tall and weighed 33 lbs (Height is 35% & weight is 10%)
Connor was 2lbs and 12 1/2 inches long at birth. 5 year check up he was 39 1/2 inches tall and weighed 38lbs ( I didn't get the % on him)
Chloe was 1lb 6oz and 12 1/2 inches long at birth. 5 year check up she was 41 inches tall and weighed 36 lbs ( 24% for height and 30% for weight)
Happy Birthday my little miracles!!!!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Knott's Berry Farm
We all spent the day at Knott's yesterday. We had got some free tickets and had to use them before the 5th. The five of us went, along with Auntie B and grandma & papa. The kids had a blast and went on a big roller coaster for the first time. It's called Sidewinder. Basically it is four round cars and as the cars go around the track each individual car spins as well. It is crazy fun! They happen to have video feeds on your cars so we spent an obscene amount of money to get them. Jason should have them up on YouTube in a couple days and I will post the links. The one of Chloe is just priceless. When I put the girls to bed last night the last thing Gwynne said to me was "Thank you mommy for taking me on the fast roller coaster." I didn't get a thank you from Chloe for that one, but she did say that the little roller coaster in Camp Snoopy was her favorite.
Connor couldn't go on too much, but we did get him on the big steam train they have and he loved it. If he was able to sit up on his own there was more he could have tried. But he had a fun time just being out and around all the fun. Even though Snoopy scared the hell out of him within the first 5 minutes of being at the park. LOL! So he didn't get in the pic, we whisked him off to calm him down while the girls took a picture.
We were disappointed to find out that the stage coach was not running on Sat. Knotts was still doing their Halloween Haunt. The park closes early and transforms during Halloween, and they have 6 or so mazes set up through out the park, and some of them were on the stage coach route. We were really excited about Chloe seeing this, but maybe next time.
I was amazed at some of the bigger rides the girls pointed to and wanted to go on. But we only made the 42" height requirement, most of the bigger rides you had to be 48" or taller. So next year we may not have any problems.
Below is a slide show of some pics Jason took, my sister as several really cute ones as well. Once she gives those to me I will put them up also.
Connor couldn't go on too much, but we did get him on the big steam train they have and he loved it. If he was able to sit up on his own there was more he could have tried. But he had a fun time just being out and around all the fun. Even though Snoopy scared the hell out of him within the first 5 minutes of being at the park. LOL! So he didn't get in the pic, we whisked him off to calm him down while the girls took a picture.
We were disappointed to find out that the stage coach was not running on Sat. Knotts was still doing their Halloween Haunt. The park closes early and transforms during Halloween, and they have 6 or so mazes set up through out the park, and some of them were on the stage coach route. We were really excited about Chloe seeing this, but maybe next time.
I was amazed at some of the bigger rides the girls pointed to and wanted to go on. But we only made the 42" height requirement, most of the bigger rides you had to be 48" or taller. So next year we may not have any problems.
Below is a slide show of some pics Jason took, my sister as several really cute ones as well. Once she gives those to me I will put them up also.
Pumpkin Carving
Twas the night before Halloween...Oops! Wrong story! LOL! Here are few pics from the pumpkin carving that went on while I was at school Thursday night.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Halloween Party
Halloween and Christmas are big Holidays around here. They appeal to our good and evil sides. ;-) Jason and his cousin really get into these two holidays and Vince & Michelle have a Halloween party every year. This really is the first year the kids are super into. So this past Saturday was the annual party. We got the kids dressed up and snapped a few pics in front of our decorated gate. Warning they are not the best, sun is in the kids eyes. But will try to get better one's on Friday.
Off we went to the Halloween party. Vince always has a kick butt costume and goes all out, would you expect less from someone else who totally loves the holiday?? Around the backyard and house he has previous years costumes set up as decorations. next year we have to bring the video camera. We were rolling how scared the girls were. Is that bad??
Basically he is sits somewhere in the drive way as guests start showing up. BTW one year he scared the crap out of some local police who swung by, how he didn't get shot we don't know that year. LOL! Sorry off track...so he is sitting in a big wooden chair just outside the back yard and daddy and papa take the girls out to see uncle Vince! This is when comedy in sues!!! LOL!
I have a princess trying desperately to get back on the other side of the gate, fear in her eyes and screaming....There is a Power Ranger that has now climbed up her father and has a death grip on his neck as she is scurrying to his back. She is about 3 feet from Uncle Vince and he is getting up out of his chair. Of course all of us adults are just rolling in laughter at this point.
So here is a pic of Uncle Vince's costume this year, which included lifts in shoes.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!!!
Off we went to the Halloween party. Vince always has a kick butt costume and goes all out, would you expect less from someone else who totally loves the holiday?? Around the backyard and house he has previous years costumes set up as decorations. next year we have to bring the video camera. We were rolling how scared the girls were. Is that bad??
Basically he is sits somewhere in the drive way as guests start showing up. BTW one year he scared the crap out of some local police who swung by, how he didn't get shot we don't know that year. LOL! Sorry off track...so he is sitting in a big wooden chair just outside the back yard and daddy and papa take the girls out to see uncle Vince! This is when comedy in sues!!! LOL!
I have a princess trying desperately to get back on the other side of the gate, fear in her eyes and screaming....There is a Power Ranger that has now climbed up her father and has a death grip on his neck as she is scurrying to his back. She is about 3 feet from Uncle Vince and he is getting up out of his chair. Of course all of us adults are just rolling in laughter at this point.
So here is a pic of Uncle Vince's costume this year, which included lifts in shoes.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!!!
G-tube update
We are almost three weeks post-op, two weeks after having the tube removed and this is what we have
Gwynne tells us from time to time that she misses her button. I guess when you had something attched to your body for over 4 years it would feel weird for it not to be there anymore.
We wanted to get a post op picture a few days after surgery but she wouldn't let anyone come near it. We didn't even take the original bandage off until we went into the Doc's office for a check up. It was pretty gooey, pussy & gross mess. It appealed to my sick brain to see it. LOL! Guess becoming a nurse will be a good thing for me. :-) I get excited cleaning the kids ears as well!
There was also about two weeks of her being a bit embarassed. She wouldn't let us see her tummy. When getting dressed she would turn away and have her back to us. But know I guess she has no problems with showing everyone. According to her teacher the other day in class Gwynne lifted up her dress to show her someone her button was gone. We got a good giggle out of it and told her teacher she was prepping herself for Spring Break. ROFL!
Gwynne tells us from time to time that she misses her button. I guess when you had something attched to your body for over 4 years it would feel weird for it not to be there anymore.
We wanted to get a post op picture a few days after surgery but she wouldn't let anyone come near it. We didn't even take the original bandage off until we went into the Doc's office for a check up. It was pretty gooey, pussy & gross mess. It appealed to my sick brain to see it. LOL! Guess becoming a nurse will be a good thing for me. :-) I get excited cleaning the kids ears as well!
There was also about two weeks of her being a bit embarassed. She wouldn't let us see her tummy. When getting dressed she would turn away and have her back to us. But know I guess she has no problems with showing everyone. According to her teacher the other day in class Gwynne lifted up her dress to show her someone her button was gone. We got a good giggle out of it and told her teacher she was prepping herself for Spring Break. ROFL!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Gwynne
Something is going on with my little girl and I don't know what. I'm stumped. She is fighting us tooth and nail on homework. She says school sucks, and is a pain every morning getting ready for school. I talked to her teacher about not liking school. See if someone was picking on her or if Gwynne had said any thing to Ms. R. NOPE! Ms. R was completely surprised by what I was telling her. Including our talk yesterday about not doing homework.
I have tried talking to Gwynne but she gets real shy and quiet on me when I try to ask her questions. This is the first year the girls are in separate classes. But they do have time during the day that the classes come together and they have recess together. I don't think it is them being separated. But I'm not 100%. They were separated for the six weeks of summer school and no real problems.
For the most part she has been herself at home. But she has become more attached we have noticed to her lovey. Normally lovey would only be grabbed when she was tired and trying to sooth herself. Now it seems just about every time we turn around she has it, not to mention she has times that she doesn't want to leave the house without it. Not just on school days, but weekends with us.
I wonder if I'm missing something or just reading too far into things. Why can't kids come with an instruction manual or a re-program button that you get to use every now and then as they are growing up.
I have tried talking to Gwynne but she gets real shy and quiet on me when I try to ask her questions. This is the first year the girls are in separate classes. But they do have time during the day that the classes come together and they have recess together. I don't think it is them being separated. But I'm not 100%. They were separated for the six weeks of summer school and no real problems.
For the most part she has been herself at home. But she has become more attached we have noticed to her lovey. Normally lovey would only be grabbed when she was tired and trying to sooth herself. Now it seems just about every time we turn around she has it, not to mention she has times that she doesn't want to leave the house without it. Not just on school days, but weekends with us.
I wonder if I'm missing something or just reading too far into things. Why can't kids come with an instruction manual or a re-program button that you get to use every now and then as they are growing up.
Cheating AGAIN!!!
Am I getting old and mean??? I don't get it. This is the first time in all my years, (YES! I said years)of college seeing people so blatantly cheat! We had a quiz two weeks ago. Same two ladies wrote a bunch of stuff down on the their desk. We had an in class essay according to the syllabus. Not really a an essay really. We were given 5 topics and had to pick three to write a paragraph, P-A-R-A-G-R-A-P-H on each question. This is a mythology class, he allowed us to have our reading hand outs and our books along with one page, front and back of hand written notes. It doesn't get much easier then this people!!!! I missed last week due to Gwynne's surgery so I forgot about the one page of written notes we could have.
Tell me these same two ladies did not have a few pages of typed notes, and passed notes back and forth. REALLY?!?!? Is it that freakin hard??? If you had read the materail and been in class for discussions I don't see how this task required cheating. But then again, is it really cheating?? I don't know. I just know it is bugging me and I don't know why.
Oh and then he is letting people get up and walk out after handing out the test. Whatever, it's his class. Tell me as I leave one of the guys from my class is not walking up to me with the question sheet in hand. Proceeds to ask me about two of the questions. AND I FREAKING ANSWERED HIM!!!!!!!!! UGH!
Alright I will get off my soapbox now.
Tell me these same two ladies did not have a few pages of typed notes, and passed notes back and forth. REALLY?!?!? Is it that freakin hard??? If you had read the materail and been in class for discussions I don't see how this task required cheating. But then again, is it really cheating?? I don't know. I just know it is bugging me and I don't know why.
Oh and then he is letting people get up and walk out after handing out the test. Whatever, it's his class. Tell me as I leave one of the guys from my class is not walking up to me with the question sheet in hand. Proceeds to ask me about two of the questions. AND I FREAKING ANSWERED HIM!!!!!!!!! UGH!
Alright I will get off my soapbox now.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Can you write your name????
Chloe can!!! YEAH!!! I knew she had been tracing her name and spelling it to us. But I was unware until a few days ago that she could write her name on demand. I tend to miss out helping the girls with their homework. Yes, they are in kindergarden and have homework daily. Well I was home early and got to do homework with the girls.
I just sat there in pure awe holding back the tears. My daughter looked at me as proud as can be! And a little puzzled as to why momma was about to cry. She was so proud she wrote her name twice on her homework. LOL! But I had to correct her and we earsed one while I waited for Jason to bring me the camera.
This is the best I could get. Not the best picture, but a picture to remember never the less. ***Please ignore the dirty grout on the table*****
I just sat there in pure awe holding back the tears. My daughter looked at me as proud as can be! And a little puzzled as to why momma was about to cry. She was so proud she wrote her name twice on her homework. LOL! But I had to correct her and we earsed one while I waited for Jason to bring me the camera.
This is the best I could get. Not the best picture, but a picture to remember never the less. ***Please ignore the dirty grout on the table*****
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Bye Bye G-Tube!!!
Today we are one more step closeer to Gwynne getting rid of her g-tube. I'm not sure what the procedure is called, I didn't go to the appt. Jason did. She will be going under so the doctor can remove the skin that has grown around the stoma. The G-tube will be placed back into place and next week we will go into the office and they will pull her g-tube for good and allow the skin to fuse back together.
We are happy to be getting rid of it. But the mommy in me is freakin out. What if she gets sick? What if, what if....! But we have not needed to use it except for when she has totally refused to take medications. So it is good that it will be gone and she will not have that crutch to fall back on.
I'm losing my mind already and it is not even 8am yet. She has her surgery this afternoon. We have to be at the hospital by noon to go through the admitting process. She has to be NPO as of midnight last night and she can clear liquids until 9am. She is already screaming at me and getting pissed cause I won't give her any milk.
This is gonna be a very long morning!!!!
We are happy to be getting rid of it. But the mommy in me is freakin out. What if she gets sick? What if, what if....! But we have not needed to use it except for when she has totally refused to take medications. So it is good that it will be gone and she will not have that crutch to fall back on.
I'm losing my mind already and it is not even 8am yet. She has her surgery this afternoon. We have to be at the hospital by noon to go through the admitting process. She has to be NPO as of midnight last night and she can clear liquids until 9am. She is already screaming at me and getting pissed cause I won't give her any milk.
This is gonna be a very long morning!!!!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Yet again! I'm the BITCH!
UGH! Why?? Why do I end up being the Bitch. You tell me if I'm wrong.
Hospital has been calling me for the last three days to "pre-reigster" Gwynne for her surgery tomorrow. Today, I answered my phone not thinking. So the lady tells me why she is calling. So my question to her is:
Me: So if we do this over the phone now I won't have to go to admitting and do this again tommorrow?
Her: No.
So we start going over the info, and she asks about the insurance coverage to verify what Gwynne has. I answer in the postive. Guess what comes out of the damn ass' mouth next???
Her: Make sure to bring your insurance cards with you so we can make a copy.
HOLD ON ONE DAMN MINUTE!!!!! Did you not just say less then 5 minutes ago I would NOT have to go to the admitting department if I did this over the phone right now. So, her and I get into. She proceeds to tell me that I just can't go up to the surgery location by myself. Which I laugh, cause about 6 weeks ago when I was there admitting sent me on my way upstairs with my child all by myself.
So I told her I was not going to go over this info with her now, and have to do it ALL again tomorrow. WHAT IS THE DAMN FREAKIN POINT PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!! Don't waste my freakin time! Sheesh!
Well she got pissed and hung up one me! LOL!
And yes!! Someone from the freaking admitting department will be walking Gwynne and I up to the damn surgery center tomrrow! BASTARDS!
Yet again.....I'm the Bitch!!!
Hospital has been calling me for the last three days to "pre-reigster" Gwynne for her surgery tomorrow. Today, I answered my phone not thinking. So the lady tells me why she is calling. So my question to her is:
Me: So if we do this over the phone now I won't have to go to admitting and do this again tommorrow?
Her: No.
So we start going over the info, and she asks about the insurance coverage to verify what Gwynne has. I answer in the postive. Guess what comes out of the damn ass' mouth next???
Her: Make sure to bring your insurance cards with you so we can make a copy.
HOLD ON ONE DAMN MINUTE!!!!! Did you not just say less then 5 minutes ago I would NOT have to go to the admitting department if I did this over the phone right now. So, her and I get into. She proceeds to tell me that I just can't go up to the surgery location by myself. Which I laugh, cause about 6 weeks ago when I was there admitting sent me on my way upstairs with my child all by myself.
So I told her I was not going to go over this info with her now, and have to do it ALL again tomorrow. WHAT IS THE DAMN FREAKIN POINT PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!! Don't waste my freakin time! Sheesh!
Well she got pissed and hung up one me! LOL!
And yes!! Someone from the freaking admitting department will be walking Gwynne and I up to the damn surgery center tomrrow! BASTARDS!
Yet again.....I'm the Bitch!!!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
This is MINE!!!!!!!!
Am I the only one that their kids have taken over your own life?!?! Where is me!!!!! Have you read the littl blurb "ABOUT ME"??? It doesn't say "About Your Kids". Where have a gone wrong???
Lets see, first the name of the website address. Should have picked something like "It's All About ME!" or "No Triplet Talk To Be! (NTTB)". Oh! OH! Better yet!!!! "Mom's Selfish Time!!!"
Second, not letting it all hang out like I ususally do. Worried about who might read this. Really, who gives a crap! If you don't like what I be a saying HIT THE ROAD JACK, AND DON'T CHA COME BACK. NO MORE, NO MORE, NO MORE!!!!! Little off key but that is me, off key! LOL!
What is up with the mommy sacrifice?? Why do I have to walk around with half my head one color and the other half yet another highligted by grey??? Because I won't spend the money on myself to go to the salon. Nope! Can't cause I gotta buy those kids crap they don't need, don't really deserve for multiple reasons. I actually felt a little guilty a couple weeks ago getting my man stach waxed with my bushy eyebrows!!!
Is it something in my genetic make up....or cause I'm a mom? Well guess what kiddos!!!! Your going to hear a resounding big fat NO to EVERYTHING!!!! You got a B-day and Christmas coming up and you ain't getting squat until mommy gets her red hair back and maybe a pedicure! And NO! NO, you cannot come with me. You will have to stay home and enjoy your father for pete sake.
Ahhh!! I feel so much better now.....How about you?!?!?!
Lets see, first the name of the website address. Should have picked something like "It's All About ME!" or "No Triplet Talk To Be! (NTTB)". Oh! OH! Better yet!!!! "Mom's Selfish Time!!!"
Second, not letting it all hang out like I ususally do. Worried about who might read this. Really, who gives a crap! If you don't like what I be a saying HIT THE ROAD JACK, AND DON'T CHA COME BACK. NO MORE, NO MORE, NO MORE!!!!! Little off key but that is me, off key! LOL!
What is up with the mommy sacrifice?? Why do I have to walk around with half my head one color and the other half yet another highligted by grey??? Because I won't spend the money on myself to go to the salon. Nope! Can't cause I gotta buy those kids crap they don't need, don't really deserve for multiple reasons. I actually felt a little guilty a couple weeks ago getting my man stach waxed with my bushy eyebrows!!!
Is it something in my genetic make up....or cause I'm a mom? Well guess what kiddos!!!! Your going to hear a resounding big fat NO to EVERYTHING!!!! You got a B-day and Christmas coming up and you ain't getting squat until mommy gets her red hair back and maybe a pedicure! And NO! NO, you cannot come with me. You will have to stay home and enjoy your father for pete sake.
Ahhh!! I feel so much better now.....How about you?!?!?!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
The mark that summer is over!!! BOO!!!
The Fair coming to town is kind of the mark for the end of summer and back to school time around here. I remeber starting school and the first field trip of the year was to the Fair! Do kids still get to go on field trips??? It has been about 9 years since I have been to the fair and the last time was really just to show up for a concert, no real walking around. So I was a bit excited to be going, not to mention this would be the very first time for the kid's. Did I say that we FORGOT THE FREAKIN CAMERA?!?!?!?!?! Luckily Auntie Bonnie brought her's so we were able to get some pics!!!!
They were very excited and Chloe was looking forward to seeing the horses. Which as we were walking in to find grandma & papa they had the Budwiser horses out getting ready to walk through the fair. Miss Chloe was not happy that she was being kept back by a chain and wanted to pet the horses. Some how we pried her away only for someone, not sure who to inform Chloe that there was horse racing!!!! We didn't hear the end of this ALL DAY!!!!!!
Connor was not a very happy boy for most of the day. There was lots of loud music and that made him cry several times. But by the end of the day I don't know if he was so exhausted that EVERYTHING was hialrious or he had just come to enjoy what was going on. We got his face painted with a dragon on it, and the lady painted an a balloon on his arm with glitter and everything so he could see it. He wasn't too sure about the face painting and was a bit serious with a couple smiles and giggles in between.
Gwynne was in fashion diva HEAVEN when we hit the jewlery booths. The girl came home with a TON of stuff. Earrings, bangle braclets, necklace w/earrings, & a new purse. She was a shopping manic. But I swear by the end of the day if I heard "I want..." one more time someone was going to get hurt!!!!! If I got paid that day for every time the phrase was said I would have made back all the money we spent plus some!!! So now we are broke, but I don't care. We all had a blast.
There was a really cool winter wonderland exhibit with a little ice skating rink, an area where the kids could run around and play with snow, and a little hill they could sled down. The girls went nuts!!!! They didn't want to stop sledding. So I have been thinking about getting some family together this winter and renting a cabin for a long weekend. Just have to figure out how that is going to work with Connor and his wheelchair! Logistics....they really suck!
We spent the most time I think with the farm animals. They had some the biggest freakin rabbits I have ever seen!!! They were bigger then my fat momma cat, and pretty dang close to the size of grandma's cocker spaniel only much longer!!!! I think one was sizing me up and wanted to beat me down for some reason.
The girls walked all day (about 8 hours)and walking out to the parking lot, Gwynnie was telling me "momma, I tired, my feet hurt." But my goodness my back was killing me and I made the little girl walk all the way to the car! LOL! Which.....we had a little trouble finding. LOL! We needed these at the end of the day not the beginning!!!
So that is how we spent our Saturday!
They were very excited and Chloe was looking forward to seeing the horses. Which as we were walking in to find grandma & papa they had the Budwiser horses out getting ready to walk through the fair. Miss Chloe was not happy that she was being kept back by a chain and wanted to pet the horses. Some how we pried her away only for someone, not sure who to inform Chloe that there was horse racing!!!! We didn't hear the end of this ALL DAY!!!!!!
Connor was not a very happy boy for most of the day. There was lots of loud music and that made him cry several times. But by the end of the day I don't know if he was so exhausted that EVERYTHING was hialrious or he had just come to enjoy what was going on. We got his face painted with a dragon on it, and the lady painted an a balloon on his arm with glitter and everything so he could see it. He wasn't too sure about the face painting and was a bit serious with a couple smiles and giggles in between.
Gwynne was in fashion diva HEAVEN when we hit the jewlery booths. The girl came home with a TON of stuff. Earrings, bangle braclets, necklace w/earrings, & a new purse. She was a shopping manic. But I swear by the end of the day if I heard "I want..." one more time someone was going to get hurt!!!!! If I got paid that day for every time the phrase was said I would have made back all the money we spent plus some!!! So now we are broke, but I don't care. We all had a blast.
There was a really cool winter wonderland exhibit with a little ice skating rink, an area where the kids could run around and play with snow, and a little hill they could sled down. The girls went nuts!!!! They didn't want to stop sledding. So I have been thinking about getting some family together this winter and renting a cabin for a long weekend. Just have to figure out how that is going to work with Connor and his wheelchair! Logistics....they really suck!
We spent the most time I think with the farm animals. They had some the biggest freakin rabbits I have ever seen!!! They were bigger then my fat momma cat, and pretty dang close to the size of grandma's cocker spaniel only much longer!!!! I think one was sizing me up and wanted to beat me down for some reason.
The girls walked all day (about 8 hours)and walking out to the parking lot, Gwynnie was telling me "momma, I tired, my feet hurt." But my goodness my back was killing me and I made the little girl walk all the way to the car! LOL! Which.....we had a little trouble finding. LOL! We needed these at the end of the day not the beginning!!!
So that is how we spent our Saturday!
Friday, September 19, 2008
Self Reflection (Very long)
I have debated a bit on if I should make this post or not. Maybe I will hit publish or it will sit like several other items as "drafts" that never got posted. There was a little battle that brewed up on a triplet forum I have been part of pretty much since the day we found out we were having triplets. Jason made the first post and they really helped him come to terms with the thought of having three kids all at once when we were faced with the choice of selective reduction. A nice way to say abortion.
There was a recent new member(possible faker) that popped on with some very strong views and harsh words. But I'm a straight shooter so at first I was not really offended and let it roll off and posted to this person about my experience having micro preemie's and Connor's medical issues. Basically in one instance she is saying thank you for your stories, this is giving me so much info and apology and apology about how harsh she was, but that is who she is. I can totally respect that as I come off that way without intending to. Here is her very first post and intro to a forum filled with parents that have triplets or more.
Then she slaps everyone in the face again with the following post
Needless to say things got VERY ugly at this point, including a post from me that I just lost it with this person. This has put me in self reflection mode and brought up lots of things I struggle with maybe not day to day, but things that I think about.
Did we make the right decision for Connor? Or did we make the right decision for us? Us deciding not to remove life support was that in the best interest of Connor, or was it us not being able to let go? I admit I think the decision was ultimately me being selfish. Not wanting to lose one of my precious babies no matter what. I wonder had the doctors came to us a few weeks or a month or so after birth with the same news would we have made a different decision? But having him for the 11 months before this blow we had got to see a bit of his personality and couldn't imagine life without him.
Not to mention at the beginning of our NICU ride we trusted and thought the doc's had all the answers and knew what was best. But by this time almost a year into a ton of medical stuff, we knew they didn't have all the answers and that mommy gut was the best. Mommy spent hours and hours at each child's bedside. Doctors spent less then 5 minutes a day every few weeks at their bedside as they rotated out from their week long shifts.
Am I selfish?? I don't think so. We almost lost Chloe a couples weeks after birth. I have never told anyone this I don't think. As I held her hand praying that this last ditch effort of a med they were giving would work I whispered in her ear.
I was sobbing so much and I ran out of the NICU and heaved my guts into the toilet and cried my heart out. Crying a bit now. Chloe made a complete turn around and was our first to come home. As much as she drives me crazy I couldn't imagine life without her or Gwynne or Connor.
But what I think hurt the most was the lack of acknowledgment by the founder and President of this forum! The thread was pulled and a post telling us to "be kind". But no apology. All of us were reprimanded and the new member was let off Scot free. As far as we know the IP has not been banned and this person is still able to post on our forum. I think that letter from the Founder and President was yet another slap in the face to everyone that has been on TC.
There is a quote that I think sums this up and has been a favorite of mine for a very long time. I didn't get it from a great philosopher or anything, but a recording artist. And I think it is a bit fitting.
There was a recent new member(possible faker) that popped on with some very strong views and harsh words. But I'm a straight shooter so at first I was not really offended and let it roll off and posted to this person about my experience having micro preemie's and Connor's medical issues. Basically in one instance she is saying thank you for your stories, this is giving me so much info and apology and apology about how harsh she was, but that is who she is. I can totally respect that as I come off that way without intending to. Here is her very first post and intro to a forum filled with parents that have triplets or more.
So I just found out that I'm expecting 3 very healthy kiddos. I am completely freaked out. I already have one great 3 year old who will be 4 when the triplets come. My question is this - my doctors seem to be pushing having a reduction. My question to them is exactly which one of these perfectly healthy children do you suggest I kill?
I'm having a moral and emotional crisis!
I ethically don't believe in premature children and having society pay for the birth defects, time in intensive care and so on, but at the same time I am really torn because many people go to 33-36 weeks with no problem and have happy healthy children.
I am a really healthy eater, only organic all produce comes from our local farm, lots of legumes/grains, DHA, absolutely nothing that comes out of a box and has been processed in anyway and I order all grass fed meat directly from farmers. So.... I am hoping that helps.
I feel confident in my parenting skills and my 11 year marriage (my husband is a saint wings halo the whole nine), so I do not have those concerns. My one and only concern is getting these kids to term. That is it. I do NOT want a C-section (I find them boarderline butchery) and would hate to be forced into using formula, because frankly my breast is SO much easier, cleaner and more convinent (for me - not saying for everyone just it's easier for this lazy mom!). I hear many many nurses will not let you even breastfeed your babies for days - NIGHTMARE! Can they even legally do that?
Sigh, ok I'm terrified, and having a lot of angst.
Thoughts? Help? Words of wisdom? Anything?
Then she slaps everyone in the face again with the following post
"I currently have a meeting with my perinatologist to speak about the subject of letting them go if born before 29 weeks with major complications.
Needless to say things got VERY ugly at this point, including a post from me that I just lost it with this person. This has put me in self reflection mode and brought up lots of things I struggle with maybe not day to day, but things that I think about.
Did we make the right decision for Connor? Or did we make the right decision for us? Us deciding not to remove life support was that in the best interest of Connor, or was it us not being able to let go? I admit I think the decision was ultimately me being selfish. Not wanting to lose one of my precious babies no matter what. I wonder had the doctors came to us a few weeks or a month or so after birth with the same news would we have made a different decision? But having him for the 11 months before this blow we had got to see a bit of his personality and couldn't imagine life without him.
Not to mention at the beginning of our NICU ride we trusted and thought the doc's had all the answers and knew what was best. But by this time almost a year into a ton of medical stuff, we knew they didn't have all the answers and that mommy gut was the best. Mommy spent hours and hours at each child's bedside. Doctors spent less then 5 minutes a day every few weeks at their bedside as they rotated out from their week long shifts.
Am I selfish?? I don't think so. We almost lost Chloe a couples weeks after birth. I have never told anyone this I don't think. As I held her hand praying that this last ditch effort of a med they were giving would work I whispered in her ear.
I love you so very much and don't want to lose you, but if this is all too much and you need to leave me and be with God, I will always love you no matter what. But I would love for you to FIGHT. Fight and stay with me.
I was sobbing so much and I ran out of the NICU and heaved my guts into the toilet and cried my heart out. Crying a bit now. Chloe made a complete turn around and was our first to come home. As much as she drives me crazy I couldn't imagine life without her or Gwynne or Connor.
But what I think hurt the most was the lack of acknowledgment by the founder and President of this forum! The thread was pulled and a post telling us to "be kind". But no apology. All of us were reprimanded and the new member was let off Scot free. As far as we know the IP has not been banned and this person is still able to post on our forum. I think that letter from the Founder and President was yet another slap in the face to everyone that has been on TC.
There is a quote that I think sums this up and has been a favorite of mine for a very long time. I didn't get it from a great philosopher or anything, but a recording artist. And I think it is a bit fitting.
"In complete darkness we are all the same, it is only our knowledge and wisdom that separates us, don't let your eyes deceive you.” Janet Jackson
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Pink Ponies
The girls are both in their first year of soccer. They had their first game this past Saturday. It was funny and a total headache all in one! The coach sat out Gwynne first period cause the other team was down a girl. Chloe killed us at the kick off! And of course NO VIDEO CAMERA!!! UGH! She looks the other little girl in the face and makes scrunched up face, starts kicking at the ground like a bull about ready to charge and is snorting. Look over to the little girl and she is looking at Chloe like what the....??? She looked a little uneasy that Chloe is about to tackle her. All of us on the sidelines started cracking up. Chloe seems to be LOVING soccer and is pretty good with the ball already. Chloe wears jeresy #2
Each team has 7 girls. So come second period the other girl showed up and Gwynne had to go in. This is where the headache comes in. I was concerned about signing up Gwynne, but I wanted her to at least try. She was a bit shy with all the people on the side lines so she kind of just stood there and watched the other girls. Then she ran off the field to me to tell me she wanted to go to dance class. UGH! So I told her to get back out on the field and we would talk about dance classes. Runs back on the field. About 45 seconds later here she comes again. "mom, I need water." UGH!! Get the heck on the field!!!!!!!! Back on the field, about a minute later....yep! This went on every few minutes through the reminder of the three periods. I don't think she ever touched the ball once! LOL! Gwynne is jersey #4, the second picture she is the one on the right by the girl in the yellow jeresy.
I'm stressing out with the fact that I have two total opposites and will be running from a sporting event to a dancing class/event and vice versa. But I will do what I have to so the girls are active and enjoy extra cirricular activity. Here are a few more pictures from the girls first game.
I can't leave out my little man Connor!
Each team has 7 girls. So come second period the other girl showed up and Gwynne had to go in. This is where the headache comes in. I was concerned about signing up Gwynne, but I wanted her to at least try. She was a bit shy with all the people on the side lines so she kind of just stood there and watched the other girls. Then she ran off the field to me to tell me she wanted to go to dance class. UGH! So I told her to get back out on the field and we would talk about dance classes. Runs back on the field. About 45 seconds later here she comes again. "mom, I need water." UGH!! Get the heck on the field!!!!!!!! Back on the field, about a minute later....yep! This went on every few minutes through the reminder of the three periods. I don't think she ever touched the ball once! LOL! Gwynne is jersey #4, the second picture she is the one on the right by the girl in the yellow jeresy.
I'm stressing out with the fact that I have two total opposites and will be running from a sporting event to a dancing class/event and vice versa. But I will do what I have to so the girls are active and enjoy extra cirricular activity. Here are a few more pictures from the girls first game.
I can't leave out my little man Connor!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
First Day of School
I know a I'm a little slow, but I got a lot going on. And the pictures really were not that fantastic. They were not happy about the early hour in which they had to get up. Chloe made Gwynne cry and as you can see from the pics she is just one big happy kid! UGH! But things have gotten easier and boy do they go to be so much earlier with less problems now. LOL! The girls have back to school night coming up this Wednesday. So I will be a good mom and get out of work on time to go check things out.
Gwynne got her first homework assignment last week and was VERY excited. Chloe followed a day or two behind her. They had to make these posters for back to school night that has pictures and tells things about themselves. We just finished those up today and they are not bad for last minute. Maybe if I had a bit more creative juice today they would have been much cooler. I'm sure come Wednseday night I will feel inedaquate when I see the others that parents helped their kids with. LOL! Bite Me is all I have to say!!!!!
Gwynne got her first homework assignment last week and was VERY excited. Chloe followed a day or two behind her. They had to make these posters for back to school night that has pictures and tells things about themselves. We just finished those up today and they are not bad for last minute. Maybe if I had a bit more creative juice today they would have been much cooler. I'm sure come Wednseday night I will feel inedaquate when I see the others that parents helped their kids with. LOL! Bite Me is all I have to say!!!!!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Cheating!!!!
I could not believe my eyes in class last night!! We had a fairly simple quiz that was on 7 key terms and 3 short fairy tales. These key terms were drilled into our heads last week during class discussion, and another full week to study them and read the stories. I'm a totally procrastinator. So I read two of the stories at lunch yesterday and did a quick review of the key terms.
Got to class about 30 minutes early read the third story and started to try and memorize the terms. What do I see out of the corner of my eye. A lady, in her late 40's early 50's writing down the key terms on her desk!!!!!! What the....?!?!??! And her "friend" sitting in front of her proceeds to do the same thing!!!
I understand that English is not the first language for the majority of the people who attend my college, but come on!!!!
Here is a list of the key terms: Superstition, myth, magic, custom, tradition, ritual & religion. Of these seven terms we had to write the definition for 4 of them and give an example of a ritual for a 5th question. The other 5 questions were about what we had read.
I sat there and ran through my head. Do I turn them in, let it go? Does it really matter to me? I know what I need to know for this quiz. There is no curve grading. Do I let Karma do it's job?
Still today I'm a bit baffled. These women more then likely have children. What are they teaching their children?? Are the terms we were tested on really that hard? I was able to come pretty close to memorizing them word for word in about 10 minutes. Which now having triplet brain is really no easy task for me!
So I took the don't tattle road. Part of my growing up in a bad neighborhood and being the minority I guess, you just kept quiet about these things. I'm marking it up to first test/quiz jitters. But I don't know that I will keep my mouth shut next time around.
Grown women! Not some teenager just out of high school. Not that it would make what happened any better, but some how understandable. It's weird. Everyone should be held to the same accountability. So why does it seem like something far more worse that these grown women possibly mothers cheated on a little quiz?!?!
Okay stepping down off my soap box/high horse.
I'm very excited tomorrow will be the girls very FIRST soccer game!!!!! Maybe I can post those pics and post the 1st day of school pics that are still sitting on the camera!!!
Got to class about 30 minutes early read the third story and started to try and memorize the terms. What do I see out of the corner of my eye. A lady, in her late 40's early 50's writing down the key terms on her desk!!!!!! What the....?!?!??! And her "friend" sitting in front of her proceeds to do the same thing!!!
I understand that English is not the first language for the majority of the people who attend my college, but come on!!!!
Here is a list of the key terms: Superstition, myth, magic, custom, tradition, ritual & religion. Of these seven terms we had to write the definition for 4 of them and give an example of a ritual for a 5th question. The other 5 questions were about what we had read.
I sat there and ran through my head. Do I turn them in, let it go? Does it really matter to me? I know what I need to know for this quiz. There is no curve grading. Do I let Karma do it's job?
Still today I'm a bit baffled. These women more then likely have children. What are they teaching their children?? Are the terms we were tested on really that hard? I was able to come pretty close to memorizing them word for word in about 10 minutes. Which now having triplet brain is really no easy task for me!
So I took the don't tattle road. Part of my growing up in a bad neighborhood and being the minority I guess, you just kept quiet about these things. I'm marking it up to first test/quiz jitters. But I don't know that I will keep my mouth shut next time around.
Grown women! Not some teenager just out of high school. Not that it would make what happened any better, but some how understandable. It's weird. Everyone should be held to the same accountability. So why does it seem like something far more worse that these grown women possibly mothers cheated on a little quiz?!?!
Okay stepping down off my soap box/high horse.
I'm very excited tomorrow will be the girls very FIRST soccer game!!!!! Maybe I can post those pics and post the 1st day of school pics that are still sitting on the camera!!!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Hitting the Books!
It's school time for everyone! Including Mommy!!!! I have not had this many panic attacks in a really long time. The kids and I all started school last week and what a mess it has been. I started at a new college in order to get in the classes I need to apply to nursing school. I got a late registration because I'm a procrastantor. I thought my application was still good, but it wasn't! So I had to re-submit it again hence getting the late registration time. So basically I got one class for sure, but not the one I really wanted. So I did the show up for the first class and cross your fingers you will get added. Well I barely scraped by and got one of the two classes I REALLY wanted this semster. Which I'm kind of excited about. It is a humanities class in mythology. The other class that I was hoping to drop in lew of a poli sci class in public speaking. I was so sick showing up for the first class last night. And it was only made worse by the fact that we have to bring in a VHS tape and ALL our speechs will be taped for us to review. HELP!!!! But I have to say these classes are kind of a nice change from all the science classes I have been taking. Classes to ease me back in after being off for a few months. I just hope the anxiety attacks are over now that the first week of school is over and I have a better feel for the new campus. I might even loose some weight and tone up a bit! There are LOTS of stairs and the parking is on one end of campus and my classes on the opposite end. GOOD TIMES!!! Been sweating my rear off every time I'm there!!!
The kids bus schedule is all messed up again. They had set the kids on the wrong times for summer school and did again for the beginning of this school year. Some how transportation was not informed that the kids are now Kindergardeners and not in Pre-school any longer. So the girls have to get up at 6am to catch the bus by 7am, which is just enough time to get through our morning routine. They should be up at 5:30am, but I refuse to get them up that early. They are NOT happy with this new schedule, but each day seems a bit better. Hopefully with the time change it will get even better. Right now they are using my words against me. I would tell them that is was dark and the sun was asleep so they had to go to bed until the sun came up. Yep! It has come to bite me in the butt now! So when I wake them up at 6am and it is still dark I'm told "it's dark! We have to sleep! There is no SUN!!" of course this is said while yelling, whinning and any other way possible to protest! But hopefully....next week they will get the schedule worked out and the girls will have a later bus time. Right now the girls are on the bus for about an hour going to several diffrent locations to drop other kids off. Today is day four of school for the girls and they have already been late once to school!
Connor has busing issues as well and has missed the last two days of school, but we are told tomorrow everything will be on track. The poor kid has only showed up for the first day of school and has not been back. These are times were I feel really guilty about being a working mom and not at home to get the kids to and from where they need to be. I have been feeling like the worst mom ever recently, and feeling like moms of singletons are judging me. I normally don't give a rat's @$$! But it is getting to me.
I think mostly what it is are the girls are in more activities. And this puts them with other kids their age and they just stand out from the other kids their age. The lack of maturity, listening, etc. I know they are micro preemies, but first they tell you oh they will be caught up when they are about 2. Well that came and went and we still had many delays. So then they tell us they will be caught up by the time they are 5. Well they will be 5 in a little over 7 weeks. I don't think it is going to happen. So when? Will they ever?? Is it something I'm doing?? Am I doing too much for them and not making them independent enough? I know I do a lot of things I should make them do, but it is just so much easier and quicker if I just do them. Again my OCD and control issues rear their ugly head! I realize how totally unprepared I really was for having kids, let alone preemies.
Oh my! It still doesn't seem real that I'm going to have 5 year olds!!! What happen to my babies. They have come such a long, long way.
The kids bus schedule is all messed up again. They had set the kids on the wrong times for summer school and did again for the beginning of this school year. Some how transportation was not informed that the kids are now Kindergardeners and not in Pre-school any longer. So the girls have to get up at 6am to catch the bus by 7am, which is just enough time to get through our morning routine. They should be up at 5:30am, but I refuse to get them up that early. They are NOT happy with this new schedule, but each day seems a bit better. Hopefully with the time change it will get even better. Right now they are using my words against me. I would tell them that is was dark and the sun was asleep so they had to go to bed until the sun came up. Yep! It has come to bite me in the butt now! So when I wake them up at 6am and it is still dark I'm told "it's dark! We have to sleep! There is no SUN!!" of course this is said while yelling, whinning and any other way possible to protest! But hopefully....next week they will get the schedule worked out and the girls will have a later bus time. Right now the girls are on the bus for about an hour going to several diffrent locations to drop other kids off. Today is day four of school for the girls and they have already been late once to school!
Connor has busing issues as well and has missed the last two days of school, but we are told tomorrow everything will be on track. The poor kid has only showed up for the first day of school and has not been back. These are times were I feel really guilty about being a working mom and not at home to get the kids to and from where they need to be. I have been feeling like the worst mom ever recently, and feeling like moms of singletons are judging me. I normally don't give a rat's @$$! But it is getting to me.
I think mostly what it is are the girls are in more activities. And this puts them with other kids their age and they just stand out from the other kids their age. The lack of maturity, listening, etc. I know they are micro preemies, but first they tell you oh they will be caught up when they are about 2. Well that came and went and we still had many delays. So then they tell us they will be caught up by the time they are 5. Well they will be 5 in a little over 7 weeks. I don't think it is going to happen. So when? Will they ever?? Is it something I'm doing?? Am I doing too much for them and not making them independent enough? I know I do a lot of things I should make them do, but it is just so much easier and quicker if I just do them. Again my OCD and control issues rear their ugly head! I realize how totally unprepared I really was for having kids, let alone preemies.
Oh my! It still doesn't seem real that I'm going to have 5 year olds!!! What happen to my babies. They have come such a long, long way.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
PICTURES!!!!!
I know you have been waiting for pictures!! The girls just finished up their swim lessons last week and started soccer. Busy! Busy! They missed the last day of swim class because of soccer practice. Gwynne is already fighting it a bit. I have feeling she will only be on the field once. She has been very shy with everyone, but last week was the second time she was around her "team".
Thank you Papa for sending me pictures from their swim lesson. We seemed to never take the camera with us. Horrible parents I tell ya! So here they are.
Walking to class
Posed picture for Papa!
We were a little early so craziness insued. Chloe climbing the gate then....
the girls rolling down the hill!
Every Thursday they go to the "Big" pool and get to jump off the diving board! It is tough getting a shot before they hit the water. Chloe runs right out there and jumps with no problems.
This was the first time I had seen Gwynne actually walk out on the board without a lifeguard.
But she couldn't jump! She needed some help being "dropped" in. It is the likes of a spider monkey or a new born baby. Hand and legs fully extened slightly curled. LOL!
Back to the little pool to finish out class!
Summer Lovin!!!!!!!
Thank you Papa for sending me pictures from their swim lesson. We seemed to never take the camera with us. Horrible parents I tell ya! So here they are.
Walking to class
Posed picture for Papa!
We were a little early so craziness insued. Chloe climbing the gate then....
the girls rolling down the hill!
Every Thursday they go to the "Big" pool and get to jump off the diving board! It is tough getting a shot before they hit the water. Chloe runs right out there and jumps with no problems.
This was the first time I had seen Gwynne actually walk out on the board without a lifeguard.
But she couldn't jump! She needed some help being "dropped" in. It is the likes of a spider monkey or a new born baby. Hand and legs fully extened slightly curled. LOL!
Back to the little pool to finish out class!
Summer Lovin!!!!!!!
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