Pre-Mid Life Crisis??

My birthday seems to be fast approaching. DAMN IT! Can you have a pre-mid life crisis?? Is it like a pre-teen / tween thing for adults?? I'm like stuck in that I'm not 20 something any more, yet not an old lady (of course despite the grey I try to cover up)


I'm noticing my skin is not as supple and smooth as it once was. Shocker! I'm realizing I actually need to start using some type of moisturizer now on a regular basis. Never needed to before. How the hell does this shit happen?? One week you don't need lotion, then the next if you miss a day your like some ashy nasty thing walking around. I don't feel old, still feel like a total immature shit head. Come on life's too short not to giggle at a fart or if someone says something that can be totally dirty, but was meant totally straight. ALRIGHT! I'm a grown adult with a Beavis & Butthead mentality. SO WHAT! Your just fucking jealous! :P

I have kind of known for awhile that I really have no life. Which was always in the back of my head, but really came rushing forward recently. Am I getting caught up in the "you have to have it all" mentality?? I have a beautiful, somewhat healthy, catch us on the right day happy family. That should be enough, right? Then why isn't it? And the sad thing.....I don't even know what it is that I feel I'm missing.

What I do know is I hate that I'm socially inept. Is there a class or something to take for that? Really, it's a life skill you either have or you don't. And it is scaring the shit out of me that I may be setting my kids up for the same shit.

I'm tired. Tired of being fat, tired of being tired and no energy. Tired of being a lazy ass. Tired of having sucktastic time management. Tired of being depressed, stressed. I feel like a walking fucking pharmacy some days with all these damn aliments and pills to take for them.

So where does that leave me?? I pull up my boot straps and get through another day in hopes tomorrow will be better. In hopes I'm not totally fucking up my kids and hopefully doing something right. That they will be better people then I have been.

Shouldn't one have a somewhat clear view of who the hell they are? I really have no clue who I am as a person. When you front for so long and bend to everyone else I don't think you ever can or will have a true self. Who is Amy? Fuck if I know.

I think I need a fucking therapist for my birthday! LOL!