STRESSED Out!!!

I'm freaking out! I just completed my first week of school, taking my anatomy class. For the love of BATMAN!!!!!! Class is two days a week FIVE hours each night, and I need to do a MINIMUM of 12-15 hours of studying for this one class every week!!!

I'm scared I won't pass this class, yet I'm excited as all hell over this class. It is weird. Why did it take me so long to figure out that I had a knack for this? Let's hope my brain doesn't let me down.

Now lets add in a minimum of 50 hours of work a week, family, and sleep. You get the picture! I won't even bring in the state of the Nation that has me stressed out. Stressed and scared is really an under statement with the financial "crisis" we are in.

Which leads me to the people not sucking it up! I'm sick of people with their dang hands out, expecting everyone else to pay their way. The entitlement of a lot of people drives me through the roof. How the hell did these people get like this? How do you weed them out of the people who truly need help?

I don't mind the programs in place to help people in need, if they are REALLY in need. Hard times hit people. But everyone seems to have their hand out right now. Where do you draw the line?

If I had more finesse and could lie out my ass to people I should go into politics. LOL! Is there anyone out there who is straight forward and out for the best interest of us as a Nation or State?

I'm tired of busting my ass and doing WHAT EVER it takes to make it in life and have nice things, and other people are not like that. I have to give up "luxury's" that I have earned and worked for so other people can sit on their rear and have everything I do? Imagine if everyone busted their ass to take care of themselves? HOLY COW!! What has happen to the work ethic in this country?

We get some state assistance for my son via medical. But it is mandatory. If I want my son home with us and not in an "institution" we have to have nursing hours, which my insurance only has a one time pay out that we already used. I feel guilty as all get out that we get these benefits. It helps us tremendously, as if we didn't two things would happen. One, my husband would have to stop working and we would be come dependent on more state programs for our family to survive. Or I would have to give up my son to the state who would institutionalize him pending a foster home in which they would be paying out for nursing as they do for us now and pay more out of pocket while he was in a "home".

I'm the first to admit my kids are spoiled to all hell. But you know what they are going to now they have to work for crap, things are expected of them. People stop coddling your darn kids! Oh it might hurt their feelings....W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R!!!!!! That is not how life is, prepare your children for life, don't protect them away from it.

Alright I will get off my soapbox now. Talk amongst yourselves. Is there some way we can start a commune of sorts?? LOL!

Let me go figure out now if I can feed my family normal food or if it is top ramen and PB&J for everyone!

Bleeding Heart

Yep! That is me! Only been a little over 48 hours since Jason took the dog back. I'm sick to the pit of my stomach and feel guilty as hell. I cried more then the girls did on Saturday. I have done nothing but think about him. We had some thunder and it has been raining since Thursday. So all I can think is he is in some cage cold, scared, sad and wondering why we don't love him.

Dang it! Already starting to tear up. I think this will be the third time I have cried today! It took all my restraint not to call the shelter and check on him, and not run over there on my lunch to steal a peek at him.

They claim they are a no kill shelter. Anyone know how to confirm that, rather then just taking their word?

I did the right thing for my family and those who help care for my kids, right?

For the love of Pinocchio I'm an emotional wreck! Gwynne has been telling me that she misses Maestro, and that she woke up last night and saw a dog in the house. UGH!

I couldn't take him so the girls and I said our good-bye's at the house and Jason took him. My mom, sis & I took the girls to go pick out their Valentine cards and did a little shopping. When we got home they immediately asked where the dog was.

Just a gentle reminder that we talked about this already and they were good. I guess they were not as attached to the dog as I was. But then again the promise of getting another dog maybe what is holding it off. I don't know.

If any one in the Los Angeles area reads this and knows someone who wants a dog with a great personality and lovable as all hell and doesn't have a lot of people coming and going out of their house and wants a bit of a guard dog. He is the one for you! I will tell you where to find him.

What kind of mess am I gonna be in if one of my cats ever dies?!?!?!

It is times like this that I feel having no connections and just yourself to worry about is the best freakin way to go.

Jason wants to get a puppy ASAP. I'm not sure what I want. But I worry if we wait to long I will not allow another dog in the house for my own selfish reasons.

BTW - The cats are happy as freakin can be! At least someone is I guess.

Dog Drama!!!

This past Tuesday was two weeks that we have had Maestro. There have been a few instances that have raised an eyebrow of Jason and I. We are both totally torn and had a decision to make. It is freakin awful and hard to figure out. I still don't know if we are making the right decision.

So here is the situation. Chloe is ALWAYS in the dogs face, doesn't really know how to play toys with him. She squeeks his toy and then holds it over her head and makes him jump. She thinks it is funny. We have to yell at her to throw the toy. She even pulls his tail and he does nothing.

That being said, he has freak out moments. First moment, he is sleeping on the floor and Gwynne gets down off the couch and he jumps and barks at her and lunges. We kind of let it go thinking she might have stepped on him or startled him.

Second situation, I'm snuggling with Connor on the couch. Connor has his O2 mask on and is gurggling. When he has his O2 mask over his trach you can hear him breathing for sure, and some mucous back there and you hopefully get the point. Maestro came up and sat next to us. A couple minutes later Maestro is growling and barks at Connor. We put him down and discipline him. About 5 minutes later he is back up with us and I'm careful and have Connor pet him. A few minutes later again he growls and barks and lunges for him. Scared the shit out of us. Any other time he has been around Connor he has been on his vent, not much noise compared to his O2 mask.

Now we come to last night. Sigh! Our weekly night nurse shows up. Maestro is fast asleep on the couch. The nurse didn't close our gate and came in really quiet into the house. She was standing in the entry way/kitchen. Maestro comes flying off the couch barking at her. Normally he meets her at the door all happy and jumps up for attention. So I thought he will chill once he gets her scent. He gets to her feet and plants his front paws and has his hind in up and is barking aggressive. She backs up and I get up and I'm yelling at him. He lunges forward and keeps on. I pull him away and he calms down. So I think it is over. We are all in the kitchen at this point. She turns to walk away and he sniffs her pants and the top of her rubber rain boots and starts the barking thing again. UGH!

After all this he comes and lays down close to me, on my lap really and falls back to sleep. He doesn't bother her again. Then we are getting ready for bed and if I move the dog moves, he is my total shadow. The rubber boots are sitting just in side the kitchen by our water cooler. He spots them and jumps toward him and barks a couple times. I yell at him and he backs off. So was it the boots?

So....do we give him more time to settle in. Or cut the stings now? I'm so freakin torn. I don't want to wait until he does bite someone. But at the same time I don't think he will.

Well we error on the side of caution for our kids. I don't know how the hell this is going to go down with the girls. Especially Chloe. There is no way we can run out and get another dog. Money wise we have spent a lot already on this dog in two weeks. There is no way we can dish out for a puppy like Jason wants to do and pay for all the first shots. Plus we still have to pay the last installment of our pet deposit

This past Tuesday was two weeks that we have had Maestro. There have been a few instances that have raised an eyebrow of Jason and I. We are both totally torn and had a decision to make. It is freakin awful and hard to figure out. I still don't know if we are making the right decision.

So here is the situation. Chloe is ALWAYS in the dogs face, doesn't really know how to play toys with him. She squeeks his toy and then holds it over her head and makes him jump. She thinks it is funny. We have to yell at her to throw the toy. She even pulls his tail and he does nothing.

That being said, he has freak out moments. First moment, he is sleeping on the floor and Gwynne gets down off the couch and he jumps and barks at her and lunges. We kind of let it go thinking she might have stepped on him or startled him.

Second situation, I'm snuggling with Connor on the couch. Connor has his O2 mask on and is gurggling. When he has his O2 mask over his trach you can hear him breathing for sure, and some mucous back there and you hopefully get the point. Maestro came up and sat next to us. A couple minutes later Maestro is growling and barks at Connor. We put him down and discipline him. About 5 minutes later he is back up with us and I'm careful and have Connor pet him. A few minutes later again he growls and barks and lunges for him. Scared the shit out of us. Any other time he has been around Connor he has been on his vent, not much noise compared to his O2 mask.

Now we come to last night. Sigh! Our weekly night nurse shows up. Maestro is fast asleep on the couch. The nurse didn't close our gate and came in really quiet into the house. She was standing in the entry way/kitchen. Maestro comes flying off the couch barking at her. Normally he meets her at the door all happy and jumps up for attention. So I thought he will chill once he gets her scent. He gets to her feet and plants his front paws and has his hind in up and is barking aggressive. She backs up and I get up and I'm yelling at him. He lunges forward and keeps on. I pull him away and he calms down. So I think it is over. We are all in the kitchen at this point. She turns to walk away and he sniffs her pants and the top of her rubber rain boots and starts the barking thing again. UGH!

After all this he comes and lays down close to me, on my lap really and falls back to sleep. He doesn't bother her again. Then we are getting ready for bed and if I move the dog moves, he is my total shadow. The rubber boots are sitting just in side the kitchen by our water cooler. He spots them and jumps toward him and barks a couple times. I yell at him and he backs off. So was it the boots?

So....do we give him more time to settle in. Or cut the stings now? I'm so freakin torn. I don't want to wait until he does bite someone. But at the same time I don't think he will.

Well we error on the side of caution for our kids. I don't know how the hell this is going to go down with the girls. Especially Chloe. There is no way we can run out and get another dog. Money wise we have spent a lot already on this dog in two weeks. There is no way we can dish out for a puppy like Jason wants to do and pay for all the first shots. Plus we still have to pay the last installment of our pet deposit to our landlord.

We have a very rough weekend ahead. I hope we are making the right decision and don't traumtize this poor dog any more then we may already have.

Is that his Brains?!?!?!

That was the question put to me yesterday morning. I had Gwynne home sick from school and the dog was chilling on the couch. He had rolled over on his back with his belly and private areas fully exposed for all to see.

Gwynne walks up and eye balls them ( no pun inteded). Points and squishes up her nose and asks " Are those his brains????

Thank GOODNESS I was not eating or drinking anything at the time. I might have died from choking. I nearly pissed my pants. Here is a 5 year old and she already knows where the brains of men lay!

But I was a good mom and didn't tell her "Why YES! Those are his brains!" Instead I told her that is his private parts, his penis and balls.

Which she was totally fine with, but for some reason the thought of that being his brains freaked her out. Should I be worried????