Gonna Bite You in the ASS!!!

Have you ever been talking to someone and as your having your conversation you just know it's coming back around to bite you in the ass down the road??

Yeah, I had one of those freakin lovely conversations today at lunch! Wondering if it will cause a pink slip to be issued for me?? See I have this really bad issue of not telling a lie. I mean I lie, but I try not to, cause my face is a dead give away when I am. So what's the point really!

Today was our departments annual Christmas luncheon. Which I briefly considered NOT going to today. Should have went with that gut feeling. Damn it! I get stuck seated across for our VP of Finance/Operations. He is a relatively cool guy, easy to talk, but still a suit! Needless to say I knew I was in for it when he came and the only open seat was right across from me.

I don't think he was seated a full 5 minutes before asking me about our new accounting software. Which BTW my controller has her ass on the line for. It was NOT cheap in the least. And I fear it isn't going to workout really like it should. But that is my two freakin cents!

Too my left is another of my accounts payable people and two more to my right. They all saw the sinking ship and didn't bother to help! That's it! Next year they get no Christmas presents! (That is if I still have a job)

My diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain kick in for a few minutes. Then I get my wits about me to......SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!

That was the worst 15-20 minute conversation I think I have EVER freakin had!!!! We have been back from our lunch for about two hours now. No sign of the VP going to the controller yet! He does have to walk by my desk to get to her. I sure hope he doesn't name name's....but he won't have to if he uses the examples I gave him. We work by designated letters around here.

I almost forgot to tell all ya! I also embarssed him a bit. I'm tellin ya I was on a freakin roll today. Trying to talk about less important stuff....reality TV. Somehow I thought it was a good idea to mention the lady still breastfeeding her 9 year old daughter. Which sparked further debate and questions to me why she was doing it. And I had to quote something she said to the girl as she went to feed her. Which embarrassed the crap out of him!

I caused a scene!

Today was one of the days for the girl's school Holiday program. The school divided all the parents by alphabet. The first half to come today and the other half tomorrow. It's their first school program, of course I had to go. Besides Gwynne has a special part as a Toy Soldier for one of the songs.

I get there to find out that the Kindergarten class is the last to perform, which worked out well since I got there RIGHT at 8:30am. So that meant back of the cafteria for me. But kind of bonus, yet sucked. As the various grades 3rd on down performed the parents with kids in that grade would take their pictures and leave. So by the time it came for my girls, I was at about the 4th row. Could have got closer but wanted to make sure the kids saw me.

Those of you who know me, KNOW I'm not much of a crier. The 3rd graders where getting ready to start and I felt like I was about to cry. What the....!!!! These aren't my kids why am getting all teary eyed! I calm down only for it to happen again with the 1st graders. You see where this is going now don't you??

Here come the kindergartener's, all so cute with these decorated headbands they made. I spot Chloe as she sits down and I see her scanning the room a bit. I didn't tell the kids I would be there today. But these kids "look" for things like their father does. So I gave a little wave to see if she was paying any attention. She was! "MOMMY!!!" gets shouted out with a point. Which she then has to tell everyone sitting around her. "That's my mommy!" I gotta take it now why I can. I know she is going to hit teenager years and she will not be proud of me, but embarssed by me. LOL!

Nope no tears yet!!! WHEW!!!! Maybe I got it out of my system a bit with the other two grades. DANG IT!!! Why did I have to think about it! Here I go! Second song I'm crying, third song still have tears. Lights come up. SHIT! I try to scan to see if any one notices. YEP! Two ladies sitting behind me a seat or two over. Looking at me like I'm crazy. It doesn't help the red watery eyes are giving me away to everyone else.

But dang it! If they had any idea what these kids have been through and the fight. It is just plain amazing to see my baby girls up there for their first Holiday school performance! How could you not cry?? So know all the other families with kids in the Kinder program think I'm a wack job.....which is true! But not for the reasons they think. :-) LOL!

Also we found out yesterday that Connor was the top seller of See's Candy for his school fundraiser. They gave him a white seal stuffed animal, a pound of chocolate, and a discount card to See's Candy. There is something else I'm missing that he got. Last year he was third in the entire school for sells! I think that boy has found his calling!

In case I don't make another post! But I should we had Holiday photos taken that I'm waiting to get and put up.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, be safe and enjoy your families!

Diet of a mom!

So what did you have to eat today?? I had an array of crap to eat today. Nothing of value really. That's a lie! Now that I think of it two things where "healthy", yet not really a meal.

It is 9pm and I have yet to have a real meal. And it is all my fault.

Started the morning off with a yoplait light yogurt, which I had to finish in the car as I was running back home. Seems Chloe decided to see how long she could hold her piss. My kids seem to be training for this event that doesn't really exist any where. But what are you gonna do. So not only did she wet her pants, she soaked her socks and her shoes. GOOD JOB BABY GIRL!!!!! UGH! It seems the school took the change of clothes sent with Gwynne, but needed some shoe's and socks. Great! Now I have to pack head to toe change of clothes for "accidents"

Oops! Sorry got off track!

Got back to work and ate probably more then a mini subway bag of Doritos and washed it down with a Cherry coke! GOOD TIMES!!! It is nearing the time I should go cook my noodles and heat up the chicken breast I brought. But OOH NO! I have E.L. Fudge cookies in my bag!!!! DING DING DING!!!! SCORE! So I ate two of those and continued on my work day.

Shortly there after my aunt cruises by my desk on her way out. Lucky lady went home early today. She sets down a three pack of white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. No not little ones. Good size ones, about the size of the palm of my hand. So I ate two of the three cookies. YUMMY!

Nope! This is not the part where I tell you I went and ate my chicken and noodles. I'm sorry to say I ate a banana followed shortly there after by another E.L Fudge cookie. Then a short time later polished off the third of the other cookie's given to me. What was I suppose to do! The package was open and it would be stale by the time I got back to work tomorrow morining......errr.....afternoon! LOL!

Now that is a diet of champions!!!!!

I had an Awe moment!

Despite my previous post there was something yesterday that put a smile on my face. Gwynne normally doesn't interact with Connor too much. Chloe does more kissing/hugging, watching movies or playing a toy with him. So last night I gave the girls their bath first then Connor's. Which is much more involved then the girls.

I got all of his trach supplies I needed and sat down to dry him off and get him dressed. But I had forgotten a diaper. Gwynne seemed to want to help so I asked her to run and get a diaper for Connor. Which she did with no problem. Then she wanted to help change his trach holders. It is Velcro and cloth that fix to the actual trach and go around his neck. She helped me cut the tag off and attempted to trim it down, but I almost lost a finger on that one! So I took over.

She started to hold Connor's hand and tell him "It's okay brother, it's okay". After I was done with all the trach and g-tube care and got him dressed she laid down on the floor next to him for a bit. Then while making Connor's bed she asked if she could sleep in his bed with him, cause her bed is boring. LOL!

It really touched my heart seeing her interacting like this with Connor. It is so rare for the two of them. It just made my heart melt.

That was my Awe moment for the weekend.

Failing as a mother!

I hate when I get like this! But I'm there. Feeling like I should win "Worst Mother of the Year" award! It is just part of the cycle right?? Every mom hits this point from time to time?? Or am I out on the life boat by myself??

My daughter asked me to play with her the other day and I said no. "NO!" What the heck is wrong with me?? Was I doing something important? NOPE! Was I in the middle of doing anything? NOPE! Just being a completely lazy mother who didn't want to get her big ole rear off the couch. And all I did was yell and scream at the girls yesterday and was irritated by anyone who was breathing around me!

My poor kids get no time with me during the week, and I couldn't get off my tush to play with one of them who specifically asked me too! Then to make things better cause I was in a mood. I made her cry when she went to bed on top of it!

Here is my list of failures: They just don't listen when you tell them to do something. They talk back. They refuse to dress themselves because I have been doing it all this time for them. They are 5! Shouldn't they be able to dress themselves, shoes & socks included?? Brush their own teeth and hair?? I only have myself to blame. I have babied them for far too long and now have to dig out of that hole. I have one who is still pissing her pants. UGH! This is getting on my nerve to no end. She needs to get this under control or she is not going to be in the regular Kindergarten class next year! I have no drive to purchase anything for my children for Christmas. They don't play with most of their toys, but use them to scatter all over their room in attempt to kill someone. Oh and they can't pick up their own toys! When you tell them to pick up their stuff in the living room it gets dropped right in front of their door! Don't you dare ask them to pick up their mess in the room. Then you get whining of "Help me, I can't do it!" So you go in to teach them how. One sits down and has to play with what ever she finds and not put it away. So she ends up getting kicked out of the room cause she is just making more of a mess. I don't come close to having the cleanest house. But dang it! When it's time to clean they should be picking up after themselves!

My kids have little supervision and reinforcement of the rules while I'm at work. They have a push over for a caretaker who doesn't like to tell them "no". UGH! I don't take them out and about town that much, because I'm tired just after getting everyone ready and the car loaded up! During which Jason and I are usually already snapping back and forth at each other.

I think I'm in desperate need of a therapist!!!!!!!!!